Coming Out:Cherimon
by littleblackneko
Summary: Charlie's emotions have been overwhelming him. He doesn't know why he feels this way about Alex. The secrecy is driving him crazy...but he doesn't count on Alex finding it out on his own when he discovers something Charlie thought was gone forever.
1. Chapter 1

I was in the process of re-watching some of my old videos again, but one had completely frozen me because I remembered where it had come from. Coming Out: The Charlie-bot. One that had gotten a great response and a lot of laughs, but it didn't start out with that concept. First step: remove everything that has to do with robots. I had to scramble for a new video idea when the name of the video started getting a bad reaction at some other places on the internet. _Coming out, coming out, coming out, _the thought that had plagued my head for the past couple years. But it would never happen, I could never tell anyone. I'm sure there would be a fan base online that would accept it, but so many people would be revolted by it, unfortunately. With the internet being my job, I couldn't afford to damage my online presence, and I wouldn't want to hurt his either.

I had filmed the original video at my family's home in Bath. I couldn't risk him hearing. I spilled absolutely everything I felt with full purpose to post it online. Fortunately for the common sense that remained in my being, my laptop crashed shortly after from a virus, deleting everything that hadn't been backed up. I don't know what I was thinking at the time, where the swell of confidence and courage had come from. No way would the world know who I really loved. Ever. I didn't want things between Alex and I to get weird.

Great, now I can't stop thinking about Alex. Again. I had been so close to clearing the trance. My brain must enjoy torturing me. Well, either my brain or my heart. Both must be having a party with my pending sexuality. I could never just tell Alex. I wouldn't want anything to happen to our friendship. I would go flipping crazy (as if I weren't already.)

Thank goodness Alex had gone to a concert with Tom. He would have certainly known something suspicious was going on. And if asked me what was wrong, in the state I'm in, I would undoubtedly spill, and then the world would probably blow up or something. Or maybe I would.

I groaned, planting my face in my palms and running my fingers up through my bangs. Yes, my hair was too long, again, but I had been too preoccupied as of late to bother going downtown and having someone hold scissors way too close to my eyes. You know what? I wasn't exactly enthralled with what I was thinking about. Might as well get a few inches off. I turned off my laptop, and rose myself out of my swivel chair for the first time in what seemed like ages. I needed an escape from my feelings, which were growing to the point of unbearability.

Since the weather had been warming up, I didn't bother grabbing a sweatshirt. I stuffed my IPod in a vacant pocket along with enough money for a haircut, and grabbed a fresh notebook, just in case inspiration struck, which was highly unlikely, and headed out the door. A light spring breeze blew through the air, nipping at my exposed arms. Alex had taken the car, so the only option was to walk. The tube was a few blocks south. They say walks were a time for someone to really connect with themselves, for a man to be alone in his thoughts. Because that's _just _what I needed right now. My thoughts were what I was trying to avoid. I pulled my IPod out of jeans, popping the headphones into my ears that were slightly too small for them. Music had always been a good escape for me, it would just ship me off to another world. I hit shuffle. And what song should come up in my dire moment of desperation? Tom's song "They"

_They say all's fair in love and war _

_But this war's not fair_

_And my heart's still sore_

_Who the hell are they anyway?_

_The ones who say tomorrow's just another day_

_And there are plenty more fish in the sea_

_Yeah, not for me_

Great. So now my brain and my electronic devices were conspiring against me. Thank _you _Mr. Milsom. This little crush of mine that had grown out of control had rooted itself in my being a few years ago. There had been, and continues to be, a strong following of people who had thought of us as a couple, we laughed about it and denied it. We were heterosexual. But I just couldn't seem to ignore what I had been feeling, I wasn't letting myself. Now I could see what I mean, Alex was _perfect. _He always knew how to cheer someone up or make them laugh. His eyes were so pure and the way his brown hair scattered about on his head epitomized how he was so completely right. Amazing personality, handsome, charming appearance, and kind soul. All the things that made up Alex Day. I'd said I don't know what love was, but I couldn't imagine anything stronger than what was in my heart right now.

I crawled aboard the tube, and searched for an empty seat. I spotted a few vacant spots nearby, and shuffled through the people to settle down in one of them, and proceeded in actions that would make it clear that I was feeling rather introverted. I was feeling rather overwhelmed as well. Why can't I live in a simpler world? Why can't what I feel be considered normal? I love you, Alex.

**Thank you for reading! Not only is this the first Cherimon I've ever written, it's my first slash fiction. I loved writing this, and I hope you are enjoying reading it. I will try and update really soon. Reviews and constructive criticism are **_**extremely**_** appreciated.** **So, until next time, keep calm and DFTBA!**


	2. Chapter 2

**I hope you're enjoying this so far :) Thanks goes out to the viewers of this, especially the people I got responses from because that was really nice of you guys  
**

As I felt the seat rumble beneath me as I drew closer to the downtown, I was absentminded to say the least. My hand scribbled in the notebook completely unconnected from the rest of my body, and from any conscious thoughts. I had stopped listening to music, as every song that came up was either by Alex or would remind me of him. I had a connection with that handsome boy from Essex, the one where you can connect every single romance to your own. Instead, now, I let the murmurs of sound of the London Underground rock me to a place far away from the real world. Where only the most trivial of cares and worries could survive, instead of the ones that my mind dwelled on 24/7.

The trains didn't judge you. They were just moving walls of metal. They didn't care how you felt, and in return only asked that you didn't spit flavorless gum onto the floors. I raked my brain for every possible problem to focus on instead of _the _problem. I believe I was debating with myself over what hair style I could have when I looked down and noticed what I had been drawing subconsciously. Or more like who. Look likes he would never leave my thoughts, my feelings sitting heavy on my heart would remain with me forever. _Hmm…maybe I should make it purple. I do look better in purple. I wonder if Alex would like it. No you idiot, you will seriously be punished if you even think of him even one more time. You know what that means. I, the rational part of your brain can and WILL ban you from watching the new Doctor Who until you get over this stupid infatuation with someone who is clearly not interested. _But it was hard not to wonder about the what-ifs and if-onlys of having your dream come true. It was also around this point that I noticed an old woman that you could tell had grown old but never grown up.

She looked at me with a twinkle in her eye, "Your boyfriend looks like my grandson." Before I had a chance to stutter out an excuse, "You boys are too cute. My husband's all tied in a knot about it. But you know, I've never seen those old fogies' problem with people like you, young man. Let's just say I'm not very popular at bridge club. They cheat anyway."

I couldn't help but chuckle at her comment, ignoring that even a complete stranger could tell I was interested in Alex. "I'm Eliza, what's your name, sweetheart?" I offered my hand and she shook it.

"Charlie." I knew I was probably beaming just from the acceptance I was receiving about my feelings. Gosh, the word 'feelings' had crossed the myelin in my brain so many times it was starting to sound like it wasn't real word.

"And who's he?" she asked in a voice that suggested we were two middle school girls. Eliza probably still seemed like a teenager. My Gran once told me that she always got confused when she looked in the mirror and saw an old lady because she still felt twenty- five inside. Maybe it applied to all elders

"Alex…" I sighed, completely realizing that I sounded like a fan girl and feeling very embarrassed at the way the word, his name, crossed my tongue. "But we aren't together. He likes girls, for starters…"

Eliza gently patted my thigh."These things have a way of working out, Charlie. You just have to be honest with him when the time comes." I saw that it was my stop, and went to leave. My travel companion winked at me, "Good luck."

I stepped out into the fresh air just as the first drops of rain started splattering against my bare arm, sending small jolts of colds through them to make me regret my decision of not bringing a hoodie. I turned the old woman's words over a thousand times in my head. I desperately wanted them to be true. To be able to tell him everything. To be able to hold him and never let go. I wanted everything anyone in love would want. I wanted Alex. But as the London air bit me again, I came to a realization once more.

I wanted everything I knew I could never have.


	3. Chapter 3

I meandered down the streets of London with the odd sensation you get after a haircut where your head feels about 20 pounds lighter. The wind had quickly become vigorous and unrelenting as it tore against my exposed face. The raindrops were growing fat and thick, soaking the shoulders of my shirt. I had a panging that had begun to grow strong in my stomach which I had previously assumed was from the overall insanity going through my body, but now realized it came from the fact that it was three in the afternoon and I hadn't eaten a thing since last midnight. I was massively starving.

It would have been highly beneficial to know this an hour ago but no, I had to realize how particularly famished I was when I was three blocks from home and any nearby restaurant or fast food place was far in the background. I had already been too far submerged in suburban to do anything but finish the trek home. I tried to distract myself from how hungry I was, from the clawing around and growling that was raging in my stomach. It made me feel quite lethargic really. Walking was become quite a chore in itself. Even though I was not out of breath, each step was becoming toiling. The muscles in my legs were aching and felt like they would give out any second. I didn't know how I would make it home with such feeble footing. I felt like all the energy had been ripped out of my being

I wish I had the car. That's the thought I tried to use as a distraction. If I had taken the car, I would have already been home and could have quickly eaten something or another and then lay down to try to regain some energy. But no I had to walk. Why was that again? Turns out that it's not great experience to try and distract yourself from something when you have another thing you're trying to forget. Oh that's right, Alex has the car. I wonder if he's home yet. Maybe he could come and pick me up. I wonder how the concert was. I wonder how he is, what he's doing right now. I couldn't help but wonder how he's feeling. The thoughts about Alex didn't last long to my surprise, but the feelings of romantic wooziness had already planted themselves in my stomach. They certainly didn't help the dizziness that was already starting to grow and the stars that were starting to show in front of my eyes. I really did need to get home.

Hungry, dizzy, aching head, freezing cold, and what I'm sure was a horrible reaction time. I was certainly in no condition to be out on the London Street. I pulled my phone out of my pocket, intent on calling Alex to come pick me up. I'm not sure how I was still walking at all. The world around me was starting to lose focus. I unlocked the phone, and I immediately thought I should check the weather. I mean, it felt absolutely bitter out, and the raindrops may as well have been hail with the way they stung my neck. I opened the weather, which I wanted to immediately wanted to offset as a technical error.17 degrees Celsius (comparable to about 62 degrees Fahrenheit)? There was no possible way that was right. It was freezing, how could the weather on my phone be saying that it was so nice out, I thought as I shoved my phone back in my pocket.

I didn't have time to figure it out though, to think maybe all the crazy side effects had to do with how starving I was. I didn't get a chance to call my secret crush and see if he could pick me up. Heck, even though I had been all fan girl-y and longing for him all day, he was not at the top of my list when black clouded my entire vision. The first that came to mind was panic. When my head connected with the concrete, there was quite a large amount of pain. After that there was pretty much nothing as I became unconscious. Then I was launched in to one of the strangest dreams…

**I hope you like this. It's a bit shorter than I would have liked, and seems bit filler but overall I'm quite proud of it. I googled symptoms of hunger and the things in the story are some of what I was told. I don't know scientifically how extreme the hunger has to be for those symptoms to occur since I couldn't find that info, so if it's a little inaccurate, I apologize. Thanks to everyone who reviewed, favorite, and sub'ed, it really inspired me. I hope you're all enjoying this little journey, I know I am! Next chapter will be up as soon as possible. Thanks for reading!**


	4. Chapter 4

I was bathed in sunlight, but I couldn't feel the warmth in it, it was just stuck in my eyes, blinding me. I was in a meadow of some sort. It was uncomfortable to say the least, trying to scramble to my feet. My whole body felt weary, and it tingled all over. I put a hand up to my head to run my fingers through my hair, only to find that it was massively damp from what I could only assume was sweat. I took a look around, noticing that I was in a vacant, old playground.

It was time-worn and unfamiliar, a couple of slides and jungle gyms that appeared unused for ages. I took a couple of steps forward towards the park. My foot whapped against the wood board encircling the play area, nearly sending my body tumbling to the ground in a feat of pure clumsiness. Now aware of the wood, I stepped cautiously over the board and onto the woodchips. They crunched under my feet, making me grateful for the fact that I was wearing shoes to avoid splinters. A fake pine scent was present in the breeze as it pushed gently against my face. I kept walking forward, further into the playground.

As I got closer to the main feature of the park, a large play structure with climbing steps, monkey bars, and a huge tube slide, I noticed how grimy the set had become, graffiti coated the metal bars and the underneath of the slide, vulgar terminology littered everywhere. Looking to my left, I noticed a basketball court, a nearly flat ball resting against one of the hoops. It occurred to me then that I had no clue how I had gotten there. I slid down the large tube slide, landing on the mulch below once more.

Blinking slowly and opening my eyes, I noticed something. This wasn't reality. The light I had noticed earlier, that I had thought was temperature less sun, wasn't that at all. It was just a strange yellow glow that seemed to bathe the entire park area in its light. There seemed to be no weather either, everything was just indifferent. There was no too hot or too cold, just a neutral feeling on my skin. It was comfortable. That was what was eerie, just how comfortable this all was amidst the chaos that was my life at the present. It was all a dream.

Why my subconscious had chosen to send me to a run-down playground, I had no clue. Maybe to convey some kind of innocence and comfort of childhood. Yet it had somehow managed to make it more adult than it should be. What was it called when a person was dreaming, but somehow knew it was a dream and could manipulate it as they pleased? Lucid dreaming, I believe. That's when I heard the tinkling off to my right. I wasn't as alone as I thought I was in this odd dreamscape. Looking to the source of the noise, I noticed two very large and towering oak trees on the playground's edge.

I instantly became intrigued, running over to the trees. As I got closer, I noticed that there were two thin chains dangling from the very top of the trees. I followed the thin lines to where they connected in the middle of the trees. There was a swing. I squinted, putting a hand over my eyes to block the amniotic light that was still brightly glowing away from an undetected source. The swing was little and wooden, barely even existing, looking so thin and weak. It dangled at least 45 feet above the ground, and there was a person on it. I could tell from the wild blonde hair that the person was Carrie. There she was, dangerously high up in the air supported by practically nothing. Her face was in total peace; her hands grasped a chain each. Slowly, her legs moved back and forth, moving the wood platform she was resting on slightly with each kick. I made the mistake of blinking.

Suddenly, I found myself sitting on the swing next to the blonde, it somehow had grown magically longer to accommodate the both of us. I panicked, although there was no chance of injury because I was only dreaming. But as I looked down at the ground, which looked much further away than I had calculated when I was down there, part of a quote came to mind from the brilliant John Lennon, "Who's to say that dreams and nightmares aren't as real as the here and now?"

Carrie's eyes shot open, and looked at me confused, but not saying anything. I pointed down towards the ground that seemed to be miles away. She followed my finger and saw how high up we were, then looked back to me, eyes widened in fear. "We should try jumping," she whispered. I shook my head vigorously. Bungee jumping was enough, thank you. I didn't need to try skydiving without a parachute. It seemed there was no way down, and I was still partially shocked that the figment of my imagination had talked to me.

I heard a whooshing above us and looked up to see Alex decked out in the superhero costume he had worn in the Forever Yours music video. In fact it almost sounded like the song was playing faintly in the background of the dream. He let loose a killer smile, full of bravado, and swooped down through the pale blue sky to where the swing was. But to my surprise, he grabbed Carrie and flew away to the ground of the park. She gripped his neck in a tight squeeze, and held the embrace for a couple of seconds.

I couldn't help but feel a pang of jealousy as I watched the scene played out beneath me. This is how it would always be. He would always pick the pretty girls over me, and I couldn't even be angry about it. I would always be left with my feet dangling high above ground with no possible way to get down. I would always be left hanging for him without an escape.

But then, he patted Carrie's shoulder, pivoting her around and she began to walk into a fog that had appeared, until she was completely gone from vision. Then Alex turned back to look at me. He began to fly up to the swing again and settled down next to me. He turned to face me, his breathe soft against my ear, "You didn't think I would just leave you here, did you Charlie?"

Stunned was an understatement, I think, when he turned and placed his lips softly against mine. A warm sensation coursed through my veins, an indescribably beautiful feeling of pure ecstasy. Then, as quickly as it began, it stopped. Imaginary Alex pulled away, his face indifferent, though I figured I had to be beaming from ear to ear, even though it wasn't real. None of this was really real. It would never be.

Alex looked up at the sky, which had turned a dark gray. "Looks like it's going to rain." Sure enough, rain came down, but in one steady stream that splattered all over me. That's when I got to open my eyes to reality.

There were two fuzzy faces over me, and, sure enough, I was wet.

"You're awake! Thank goodness that worked." That was Tom's voice.

"Yeah, " Alex was speaking now, in a silly, joking manner. He held a cup. "Thought I was gonna have to kiss you or something."

I tried desperately to hold onto that warm feeling.

**I was worried about writing this chapter, but once I got down and did it, it was really fun to write it. Hope you have enjoyed! I have figured out that there will be two more chapters and a possible epilogue left for this story. Thank you all for the support I have gotten on this! Now for some lunch and to watch some more Suburban Shootout with the gorgeous Tom Hiddleston on it. WHY DO I LOVE SO MANY BRITISH MEN! Well until next time ;) ~littleblackneko**


	5. Chapter 5

** Hmm… Watch Scrubs or update… You guys are lucky I love you!**

"God, Charlesburg, you gave us quite a scare out there. What were you thinking?" I found myself lain on the couch inside Alex and my house. I recognized the feel of it against my skin. I slowly began to sit up on the couch, eliciting a groan to escape from my lips, the harsh couch material scraping lightly against a bit of exposed stomach. My vision became clearer, and as such, my surroundings did as well. Alex and Tom were sat on their knees next to the couch, appearing to have been there for a decent while, and were looking at me expectantly. How did I even get here? Last I remember, I was walking home, and then there was that strange playground scene

A grumble erupted from my stomach, and I clutched at it. Now I remember. I had gone out for… something or another and walked home, but before I could get back, I had collapsed from hunger. I grinned sheepishly at the two other boys. They looked at one another seemed to be arguing telepathically, and it appeared that Tom was losing. Finally, the blue-haired boy sighed, standing up and looking back at us. "I left some lentil dhal in your fridge; I'll go warm it up." He stepped out of the room, disappearing into the kitchen.

I wasn't sure I wanted to be alone in a room with Alex, even if it was only for a few moments. I was quite sure I would do something idiotic to which there would be no rebound. "Nice haircut." Oh yeah, that's what I had gone out for. I tried not to let my face flush at the fact that he had noticed. I mumbled a thank you, and was surprised when his arms wrapped around me. "You've been out for hours!" His voice was so soft and sweet it frightened me. "Pretty soon we were going to have to take you to the hospital. What on Earth happened?

"I kind of…fainted…"

"No, I thought you just decided to take a nap a block away from home in the bitter cold for the fun of it! Seriously Charlie, you had me worried sick!" The words were a bit harsh, but spoken only from concern. He pulled away from our embrace, sitting back on the floor again, but keeping a hand on my shoulder.

The closeness made me recall what he had done in the dream, and how I so desperately wanted to make it a reality. How I just wanted to place my hands on his cheeks and tilt his head and… This is what I was talking about with the idiocy. Hurry up, Tom!

Answering my internal wishes, the man stepped into the room carrying a plate of brown something. At this point, I wanted food to much to question him. Alex looked over to him wrinkling his nose, "That smells like vomit!"

Tom feigned hurt, and set the plate down in front of me. I attacked it with the provided fork, practically inhaling the food. It didn't last long enough in my mouth to get a good taste, but it seemed that whatever a lentil dhal was, it was pretty good. "Finally! Someone who doesn't insult my cooking." Tom smiled widely, putting his hands on his sides with pride, "Well, I'd better be getting home, it's pretty late." A few moments later, he stepped out into the night air and disappeared out of sight.

Alex and I sat in silence for a minute or two, and I hoped for all that it was worth that I didn't have a blush present on my face. I tried to remember back to a time when things were, by circumstance, normal. Back when we really were just best friends. I shouldn't use the word _just. _ I hadn't had a best friend in ages before he came along, because I had been too scared to accept someone into my life in that way. He had taken away that fear and replaced it with some of the best years of my life. But as greedy as it sounds, I just wasn't content with how things were. I craved something I couldn't bring myself to ask of him.

Alex broke the silence, "Is there anything you need, something to drink, something to read?" I shook my head and smiled softly at him.

"No, I'm alright. Go do whatever it is you were planning on, Alex. I can tell from the look on your face and the smell of peppermint coming from the kitchen that you've been planning something and I don't want to be the reason you aren't able to do it."

He threw back his head slightly, letting out one of his classic hearty laughs. "You know me too well, Charlie. I have some footage on my video camera I filmed while I was out, and I wanted to edit it into a video for the main channel. Here's the thing though, I left my laptop at Tom's. Would I be able to use it, pretty please with Amy Pond on top?"

I couldn't help but chuckle, "Yeah, that's fine. Get to it, you giddy fool!"

"Thanks Charlieburg! I owe you! Let me know if real power wants a magazine or something." He called as he left the room. And now we were back to quoting Avengers. Things were natural once again. My escapades of today would just fade into the past.

"Hey, Charlie?" I heard his voice coming from my bedroom, "I think your computer malfunctioned or something, it's asking me if I want to restore video data. I'm assuming you want that, right?"

"Um, sure." I replied back mindlessly. A few seconds later, I heard something that was bad

Really bad.

I heard my voice, I heard that video playing. The one that I had filmed ages ago, that had been erased and lost in time. The video I made confessing my love for Alex was playing right in front of him. I was frozen with shock and fear as I heard it play out from where I lay on the couch. I was beyond screwed. I would never be able to look him in the eye again. I would lose my best friend.

**I hope you've enjoyed this chapter. Next one should be up soon and it is kind of sort of maybe the climax! And there will be an epilogue. Please excuse any grammar errors, I'm very sorry about those, but it's one in the morning and I want to get this chapter uploaded before I collapse on my bed. All feedback has been, is, and will always be appreciated. Until next time!**


	6. Chapter 6

**Alright, trying to get into the Cherimon mood…which is hard after watching all the Philisnotonfire and AmazingDan videos. Just listened to Forever Yours…I'm good now. I was listening to the new All American Rejects album last night before I went to bed and this song called Walk Over Me came on, which starts off without music but just this guy talking in a German accent who goes "Mmmm, so tell me about your mother…" I got legitly freaked out. Because I thought the voice was coming from some invisible person in my bedroom. But AHH this chapter is what it's all been leading up to. I'm excited :D Hope you enjoy!**

I would have to confront Alex about this. I launched myself off the couch, adrenaline coursing through my veins, my thoughts too fuzzy to care about the post-sickness feeling I had buried in my stomach. All I could think was that I didn't want to lose him. My pace slowed as I neared my destination, pure fear overwhelming me. This wasn't exactly an easy topic to hop into, especially not in this way.

Finally, I forced myself to enter my bedroom, where Alex was standing looking absolutely flabbergasted, like he was contemplating whether or not he should believe anything he heard from now on, because there was no possible way he had just witnessed that video. Me saying those words. How I wish he had never seen it as well.

"Charlie," he said his voice barely above a whisper, "Charlie, what is this?" Oh, just kill me now. How do I get myself into situations like this? I didn't want to deal with this right now, but it looked like there was no choice. He looked at me expectantly; he knew that I knew what he was referring to. The proof was on my computer screen.

Why couldn't now be the time to pass out? But deep down, I knew that the problem wasn't going to go away. We would have to talk about this at some point. That didn't stop the terror from creeping through me. How does one start this. Cowering in the doorway probably isn't the best option, but it was the only one I felt capable of.

"You know you can talk to me about this Charlie. I'm not angry at you. I hope you know that." I opened my mouth, but no words came out. To my surprise, I felt his hand tightly grasp mine. His eyes looked at me, his expression was gentle. He pulled me over to my bed sitting down and pulling me along next to him.

"Is that really how you feel, Charlie?" He spoke softly and slowly, his beautiful eyes boring into my own. I was thankful he was being so gentle, or else I would have run a long time ago. His mouth was lightly creased shut, and I found my eyes lingering on his lips a second longer than they should.

"Yes." With my one word, the whole atmosphere of the room seemed to completely change. It felt like nothing else existed outside of where we sat on my bed, his hand resting on my thigh. Screw it; I wasn't going to deny how I felt about him any longer. He deserved to know. "I've liked you…romantically as it may be… for a…a…a long time. I'm sorry. Please don't stop being my friend." I had said it out loud; I had said the words that were weighing down inside me for the longest time. Albeit, the fact was said through chokes and gasps and painful stutters. But he knew how I felt, and did feel a bit relieving to have it out in the open air. Now it was time to let him comprehend what I had said and make the executive decision of whether or not he could ever speak to me again.

He grabbed my shoulder, making powerful eye contact. The vulnerability I felt was killing me. "Charlie. Charlie, listen to me. I would never want to stop being your friend. I promise. Don't forget that. And you don't have to apologize for anything. You can't control your feelings. God, I sound like such a girl…" I couldn't help but laugh a little, my sullen exterior broken. It was unexplainable how relieved I felt. He knew, and I still wouldn't lose him. That was all I really needed.

"Would you ever want to…?" The rest of my sentence went unspoken. The words hung heavily in the air. I wouldn't hold it against him if he said no. But I just needed to know. All the foolish fantasies I had ever had were aching for his answer. He pondered my words for a moment, then a large sheepish smile spread across his face.

"To be honest, I've never really thought about you like that before. But I might consider it. I mean, I don't really see what the problem would be if we did." I couldn't believe what I was hearing. He really was the most perfect man. This might be the explanation of why I did what I did next.

Looking at him, studying every flawless feature, I decided to do something. It may be my only opportunity, and this wasn't just a dream anymore. I put my hand on the back of his neck, pulling him his face closer to mine, until, just slightly our lips touched in the most blissful way. I deepened the kiss, smiling, and held it for a few seconds. I felt tingles all over, my head clear of everything but this moment. If I could just replay it over and over in my head till the day I died I would be eternally happy. But no, somehow I got more.

As I pulled away, I met his eye. I knew I must be glowing, and he looked happy as well.

"Yes, I want to…" He whispered as he smiled widely at me, before leaning in to have our mouths clash for a second time.

How could I ask for anything more? I was kissing Alex in my bedroom without a care in the world, after he had said that he wanted to be in a relationship with me. Things I had only ever dreamed of. As far as I'm concerned, life doesn't get much better than that.

**Epilogue coming soon :D **


	7. Epilouge

**Someone needs to cheer me up, please. I'm reading John Green's **_**Looking for Alaska **_**and just got to the 'after' part (I've actually at the moment finished Looking for Alaska. It was absolutely beautiful. Go read it now). So I am very sad. Hmmm… maybe a really fluffy epilogue will help? LET US DO THIS MAN! **

I checked my wristwatch for what must have been the fiftieth time, 12:27. We would be leaving in three minutes and Alex said he had a surprise for me when the time came. He told me 24 hours ago, meaning, and he knew this (that devious brat), that I would lose sleep trying to figure out what it was. This had better be good. I looked up in the mirror again. I was very repetitive this morning. I couldn't help if today needed to be absolutely perfect, but more on that in a second.

I restyled my hair for the millionth time, re-straightened my bowtie again, and tugged at my sleeve cuffs till there were no lines left in them. I was in a tux today, which always felt like a strange foreign object on my skin. I preferred casual clothes like nerdy t-shirts and jeans or lying shirtless on the couch while my boyfriend made small, delicate finger circles on my chest. But because of my boyfriend I had to be dressed fancy. Because of him, everything had to be perfect.

It was one month today. That mere thought sent shivers jolting down my spine. Because it had only been one month technically but it was years in both of our heads. And he said he would be home at 12:30, and dear gods, Alex better prove punctual because I swear that if I fix my hair one more time I _will _go crazy. I heard the door open and sucked in a breath. This was it. Our 1 month anniversary. I gripped my gift to him in hand and tucked it inside my suit. I looked out at the New York skyline one last time before stepping out of the bathroom. He stood there, grinning like the devil (it was twelve-thirty exact and he knew it) and a bit more handsome. His hair was in happy disarray and he also bore an alien penguin suit, but it actually looked nice on him as opposed to my awkward fit. Then again I, like the cliché swooning fool, couldn't see anything looking bad on him.

"So, off to the wedding then?" I suggested quietly, looking down at the shoes I was now realizing I had forgotten to polish. A wedding, hence the tuxedo, hence New York City. Not ours, others might view that as preemptive (considering no one knew yet, though if I was asked, I'd agree. I loved him and I knew it.) It was for our friends Dan and Phil who had moved to New York for the sole purpose of being able to marry. England had that whole allows-civil-unions crap but they wanted a real proper wedding.

"Oh, Charlie, you're just so cute. So…innocent. I should change that soon." The pervy face he shot me was enough to make my face red. He wrapped his arms around me tightly, gripping his warm arms tightly across my back. I plummeted my face into his chest, inhaling deeply on the soft musky cologne and wood smell that he always seemed to have. How did I get so lucky? I looked up smiling softy. He leaned down and gave me a quick peck on the lips and another small squeeze. It had been a month as a couple, but we were both still a bit uncomfortable with the physicality aspect of it. I personally was have trouble simply believing it was allowed. That any time I wanted to kiss him or hold him or tell him I loved him (well technically I hadn't said the three words out loud yet, but I hope he knew I felt it), and not be afraid that he would stop being my friend. I could do that that. I was _allowed _to treat him as my boyfriend because he finally was. It was exhilarating. It was beautiful. It was perfect. It was love. For a moment we just looked at each other. After a few seconds, we finally broke eye contact, and my lover quietly said, "Well, yeah, wedding and everything. We should probably get going." He swallowed deeply. Was I actually making the great Alex Day feel shy? He had told me to stop putting myself down, that I was worthy of affection. He had go so far as to blast What You Do throughout the house on one of my particularly bad days and say that was how he felt about me.

I nodded, and before I could move, he had lowered his hand and gripped mine, and just that simple gesture made my heart beat a little faster. "Are you sure you want to do this today?" I asked as we started walking the short distance to the church.

"Charles Joseph McDonnell, you will be my date to this wedding and you aren't getting out of it now. Trust me; I've got the best date ever."

"Yeah but-"

"We talked about this before we were even jet lagged fools. We're starting small tonight. We tell our friends. When we get back from England, we tell our families. Then we make a collab video telling all the fans. It'll all be perfect, trust me. Things have a way of working out." For a moment, my mind jumped back to the old woman on the subway and how right she had ended up being. Tonight was the night we finally told our close friends that we were officially together. I was nervous, for sure. But there was also a sense of pride mixed in there, that this boy was with me and there was nothing to be done about that except to accept it. Still nervous. "Hey… Charlesburg. Stop worrying so much right this very second, everything is fine. Look, we've walked almost half a block holding hands and no one has had a problem with us. And these are just strangers. We're telling our friends."

"I know, it's just that… Everyone is going to _know. _It won't be our secret. Which is amazing, we're together! But it's also terrifying for the same reason."

"Don't worry so much. I'm here for you no matter what. We're here now and you are my date, and I'm going to be greedy and say you need to save at least two dances for me." The way he smiled at me so sweetly, I could feel my heart speed up, and my face was blushing, I just knew it.

"They're all for you."

Breaking the moment (because if he didn't I would've kissed him full on right then and there, which wasn't something I was actually comfortable doing in public quite yet) he said "Do you want to do gifts now?" I nodded and reached toward the coat pocket that contained his present, running through the millions of reactions he could have to it.

"I'll go first," I told him, handing him the small box. He opened it, and his eyes went to twice their size. I hoped in a good way.

"Oh…god Charlie! How did you think of this? It's absolutely perfect! I'm going to kiss you right now and I don't give a crap about who can see us." He was a man of his word.

As I was becoming absolutely immersed with the feel of Alex's lips on mine, his hand attached to my waist, and the thread holding up his ornament was wrapped around two fingers. It was a small glass shaped ukulele, with a picture of the two of us smiling away. Around the edges I had puffy painted it to say, from the moment I saw you I knew it was love. And engraved right below the picture in silver lettering were the words Charlie & Alex- I'm Forever Yours.

He finally pulled away, breathless, forcing out the words, "My turn." He reached into the pocket of his tuxedo pants and pulled out a small box. He quickly placed it in my hand and stood sheepishly with his hands in his pockets. "Y-you can open the box…"

I had to contain a gasp when I saw the contents, a small gold ring with a red gem on top. It sparkled beautifully, even in the dreary weather.

"It's a promise ring," he told me, avoiding eye contact, "It means that I promise to be with you forever. I- I thought you'd like it."

"Of course I do! It's absolutely gorgeous!" I nearly knocked him over when I leapt on him in a hug. His torso felt warm against my face, and I never wanted this sensation to end, this overwhelming bliss. I never felt like I deserved anything, but now I had everything. I had been given perfection. A million thoughts raced through my head, many from a month and ago stood out.

_But I just couldn't seem to ignore what I had been feeling_

_These things have a way of working out_

_I didn't have time to figure it out_

_I tried desperately to hold onto that warm feeling_

_I craved something I couldn't bring myself to ask of him_

_"Yes, I want to…"_

"_I love you, Alex," I whispered in his ear. And I wasn't scared. _Not even for a second

**And that's all she wrote. I hope you've all enjoyed. Thanks for reading, I love you all! (I've also at the moment finished Looking for Alaska. It was absolutely beautiful. Go read it now) And the wonderful ukelele idea came from cuz she's amazing :)  
**


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